wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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