I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
