Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
