Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
