remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
