The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
