i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
