this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
