I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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