I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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