He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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