Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
