are you still at the devil's house?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
