He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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