I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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