Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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