there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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