Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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