I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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