I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
