U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory