The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.