the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug