walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
