I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
