I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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