I'm going to jail i love you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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