Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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