Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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