thus making me awesome and them whores
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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