you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
