So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
