My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
