I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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