Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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