3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
