Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
