i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
