I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize