well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
