At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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