I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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