the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
