my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
