you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
