i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
