the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
