hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
