We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize