This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
