and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
