Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
