Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
