I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
