Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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