So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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