So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
