Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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