one might say we're banned from that church
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
