I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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