lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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