Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
