just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
